Razzi News

I read this off a book from Confusing Love with Obsession
by John D. Moore, MS, CADC… found an excerpt interesting and decided to post it here.

So how do you know if you have developed an unhealthy attachment to
another person? By examining the Obsessive Love Wheel (OLW), which is
designed to illustrate an overall process called Obsessive Relational
Progression (ORP) [the specific attachment style of people Who Confuse
Love with Obsession] it may be possible to recognize if you have a
problem. There are four phases of ORP and each one carries unique
behaviors. As demonstrated through the wheel, once an unhealthy
attachment to another starts, the person who Confuses Love with
Obsession begins to lose emotional control.

It is called a "wheel" because it is always turning, round and round as
the relationship continues. Sometimes the wheel turns quickly, other
times slowly, but it is always turning and always painful. While
examining the wheel, look for any patterns of behavior in your
relationship(s) and ask yourself: "Do either I or the person I am
involved with behave this way?"

PHASE ONE THE ATTRACTION PHASE:

The initial phase of ORP is characterized by an instantaneous and
overwhelming attraction to another person. It is at this point the
relationally dependent person becomes "hooked" on a romantic interest,
usually resulting from the slightest bit of attention from the person
they are attracted to. Phase One ORP behaviors can include:

• An instant attraction to romantic interest, usually occurring within the first few minutes of meeting.

• An immediate urge to rush into a relationship regardless of compatibility.

• Becoming "hooked on the look" of another, focusing on the
person’s physical characteristics while ignoring personality
differences.

• Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning "magical" qualities to an object of affection.

• The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.

PHASE TWO THE ANXIOUS PHASE:

This phase in considered a relational turning point, which
usually occurs after a commitment has been made between both parties.
Sometimes however, the relationally dependent person will enter into
this phase without the presence of a commitment. This happens when the
afflicted person creates the illusion of intimacy, regardless of the
other person’s true feelings. The second phase of ORP behaviors can
include:

• Unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities.

• An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless
thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of
another person.

• The need to constantly be in contact with a love interest via phone, email or in person.

• Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.

• The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.

PHASE THREE THE OBSESSIVE PHASE:

This particular phase represents the rapid escalation of this
unhealthy attachment style. It is at this point that obsessive,
controlling behaviors reach critical mass, ultimately overwhelming the
RD person’s life. It is also at this point that the person being
controlled begins to pull back and ultimately, severs the relationship.
In short, Phase Three is characterized by a total loss of control on
the part of the RD person, resulting from extreme anxiety. Usually, the
following characteristics are apparent during the third phase of ORP.

• The onset of "tunnel vision," meaning that the relationally
dependent person cannot stop thinking about a love interest and
required his or her constant attention.

• Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid telephone calls to love interest’s place of residence or workplace.

• Unfounded accusations of "cheating" due to extreme anxiety.

• "Drive-bys" around a love interest’s home or place of
employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where "he
or she is supposed to be."

• Physical or electronic monitoring activities, following a
love interest’s whereabouts throughout the course of a day to discover
daily activities.

• Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest’s
commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of
manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.

PHASE FOUR DESTRUCTIVE PHASE:

This is the final phase of Obsessive Relational Progression. It
represents the destruction of the relationship, due to phase three
behaviors, which have caused a love interest to understandably flee.
For a variety of reasons, this is considered the most dangerous of the
four phases, because the RD person suddenly plummets into a deep
depression due to the collapse of the relationship. Here are some of
the more common behaviors that are exhibited during phase four of ORP:

• Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).

• A sudden loss of self-esteem, due to the collapse of the relationship.

• Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.

• Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.

• Denial that the relationship has ended and attempting to "win a loved one back" by making promises to "change".

• The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.

"WHAT THE!"

"TAKE COVER!"

and he jumped back instinctively. An unknown flying object has just flown out from the washing machine and headed straight at him. He immediately sprawled into a leopard claw position and traced the flight of the UFO. And….. it was a BIGQIANG that has wings of flight. His hunter instincts arised from within the dark inner recesses within him and he stalked it, like a leopard stalking its prey, only that this is no prey, this is a pest which has the reputation of being the only species on earth that could survive a nuclear holocaust. The hunter traced the creature’s flight… it’s flight is steady… complacent in its own flight that no humans dared to molest it for, on its body, contained a million of parasites… but it was wrong, the hunter hated the species, for he was "molested" by cockroaches in a dark sewer when he was young. This time round, its REVENGE.

Out thrust his hand to grab it. DAMN! He missed. It sensed the attempt, it flapped it’s wings faster and higher, beyond my reach. And it landed on the ceiling, above the hunter, mocking at him… He could almost hear it taunting him, come and get me, lalalalala.

Flashes of rage streaked across his eyes. With his murderous gaze fixed on it, he whipped out his arsenal of weapons…screwdriver..no… pliers…no… baseball bat…no… penknife… no… water gun… no… vibrator…. WHO PUT THIS IN MY TOOLBOX?? … baygon…. oh yeah…

He aimed, He depressed the trigger, out came a full blast of the scented pyrethroids and hit the blatta heads on. It stopped its mocking. It panicked. It flew. But it got drowsy and did an emergency landing onto the cold, hard ceramic floor. It began to run, and boy, could it run. The hunter pounced on it, trying to use his hands to grab it but the creature managed to maneuver masterfully , like Michael Schumacher driving his Ferrari. It finally went into hiding behind some boxes under the table. But hell halts no fury from a man scorned by a cockroach.

The hunter exclaimed,"You can run but you can’t hide for I will tear down HELL to hunt you down."

He tore apart the boxes and deprived the creature from its hiding place. FEAR radiated across its feelers.  It began to run again, but the hunter is prepared this time..for he has a container in his hand, and swiftly the container descended on the imbecile creaature, trapping it within its confinement. He could hear it scuttling inside in a futile attempt to escape desperately ,Hah, but there will be no escape this time for it is trapped for eternity… Well, unless the cockroach name is called Houdini….

*remind me to check the container when I got home*

You meet a girl who is everything you ever wanted in a
life-partner:  attractive, humorous, smart, great magnetic personality,
likes your sense of humour, able to appreciate you for who you are.
You talk to her more, and find out that
she is even more attractive now that you’ve spoken to her.  You ask her
out. She says to you:

"I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"

You meet someone, a colleague, your secondary schoolmate whom you
find that can click with you.  You become fast friends and it progress
to close friends.  One day, you realize that, in addition to being a
close friend, you see her as an attractive desirable partner.  You ask
her out.  She says to you:

"I DON"T WANT TO RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP"

You meet a girl who you know could be the one.  She
makes your heartbeat goes 1000bpm, toes curl, your stomach knot, your mouth dry - you become even
more of a gibbering idiot then you usually are.  You’re so incapacitated in
her presence that you can’t ask her out.  So you decide that things will be
better once you get to know her better, so you become friends.  You
become best friends - so good, in fact, that you can’t bring yourself to
ask her out ALONE.  Yet there is this nagging voice in the back of your mind that
says you could be more than friends.

You decided to embark on a do-or-die mission that you will tell her
how you really feel.  Right before you can do this, she tells you:

"I’ve MET THIS REALLY GREAT GUY! Ain’t you happy for me?"
 

You said: Wow, that’s really great! I am REALLY happy for you. (You try your very best to FORCE a smile but in your heart, you "dui(3) sim(1) gua(1)")

Dano: classic case of LPPL.

How many times have the above mentioned scenarios happened to you?

Let’s take a further look on the statements (excuses) women used to *ahem* reject us tactfully.

Men said: "I like you" / "I am attracted to you"

Ladies said:

"I have a fatal attraction towards you"
What it might mean to her: FATAL? FATAL equates DEATH. Your attraction might end up killing her.

"You complete my life"
What it might mean to her : Nothing
wrong with the statement but she thinks that it is bullshit cos it’s a tad bit too early to tell someone
that she completes you when you two have not even go into a
relationship? Save that phrase for marriage.

"I am that last missing piece of jigsaw puzzle in you life, let me complete you"
What it might mean to her: Crazy fellow, who does he think he is? Complete me? Go fly a kite. Crazy Egoistic fellow.

"You’re like a brother to me"
What she really means: She thinks of you as a brother. And she do not want to commit incest.

"I’m just not ready for a relationship yet."
What she really means: She don’t want to be in a relationship yet cos she is recovering still from the breakup with that guy she told you about.

"I don’t want to do anything that could jeopardize our friendship"
What she really means: She likes the status quo between you and her now. If you insist, it’s good bye friends, hello heart ache.

"I don’t want to lose what we have as friends now"
What she really means: Same as above

"Is that a joke? Hahaha. That’s a good one. You got me there"
What she really means: You BETTER SAY it’s a JOKE.

"I don’t look at you in that way"
What she really means: When she looks at you, she can’t imagine herself looking with you with feelings of love.

"We can’t communicate emotionally"
What she really means: you got to be more sensitive towards her emotional needs. Let’s face it. Guys and Ladies are made up of different genetic code, especially in the brain. We got to learn the nicky picky sensitive hints which ladies like to throw at us.

"I can’t afford to go into a relationship as I want to focus on my career right now"
What she really means: I can’t go into a relationship with you cause you cannot provide me with the tai-tai life that I need.

"I can’t take the chance I will do anything to hurt you"
What she really means: I WILL hurt YOU. But if you are fan jian, try…

"You’re too good of a person for me to go out with"
What she really means: She likes bad boys. Get a tattoo, smoke, booze, drugs and land up in jail.

"You’re too nice" / "I know you are a nice guy but we cannot be together"
What she really means: See above

"You’re not my type"
What she really means: Are you a nice guy? If yes, then sorry, ladies do not like nice guys. Are you a bad guy? If yes, sorry, ladies do not like bad guys. Then what type she wants? Go figure it out manz.

"I am just not myself anymore when I am with you. I think we should spend some time apart and mabbe date other people"
What she really means:
She feels she has to be another person when she is with you. It may be
that you think that she is demure but she is not. So, she try to be
demure but try asking a lioness to be demure… get the drift?

"I am just not attracted to you… but you’re cute though"
What she really means: She is just saying that to lessen the damage done to your ego.

"I can’t be together with you cause’ I like you too much."
What she really means: She only goes out with guys whom she doesn’t like.

"Thanks for liking me. I understand how you feel and I have been
feeling something for you too. But, you see, there is this other
guy…."
What she really means: You are TOO LATE. Now, Go bang that wall with your head.

Recently, I talked to a REALLY nice gal on what is her criteria for a guy. She says,"communication and chemistry loh."

"Chemistry"

More often than not, I have friends, ladies and guys alike who told me that so and so likes him/her but cannot click leh cos there is no chemistry between us. Damn, what is this chemistry they are talking about? Let’s ask around.

Lady A: Chemistry is having an affinity towards someone, able to communicate with him on the same wavelength.

Lady B: Emotional Connection…

Lady C: Spiritual affinity.

Lady D: Intense feelings, that intoxicating feelings you have for one another.

Lady E :When 2 person looks eye into eye and u feel that u are ‘melting’ away

Lady F: The ability to read each other thoughts without saying anything.

Dano: Woah! read other thoughts? Why not insert an antenna on their heads??

As you see, it is believed by virtually everyone that there must be some form of chemistry (da click) between each other before one can find true love. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship. Those intense feelings are what we known as chemistry.

Right???

Maybe not. For this definition of chemistry is limited to one’s physical attraction to another person. There is another emotional part to it.

In order to know you have the right connection with a potential or existing partner, it’s important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of.

So I did some research on it and found the following:

Chemistry for love is : 2NaCl + 2H₂SO₄ + MnO₂ –> Na₂SO₄ + MnSO₄ + 2H₂O + Cl₂

Dano: *Blink blink*

Dino: Just kidding…

Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins when we get to know someone that we are attracted to. It can DEVELOP into something more over time, yet some magnetic pull is there from the beginning. I have checked and found out that the chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA.

Dano: Now I know why they say PEA brain ppl are normally delirious in love.

PEA is a naturally occurring substance in the brain. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The initial attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.

When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the "wrong" person, it may be because you are high on the physical response to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your head and exercise "good judgment and common sense".

"Affinity" or "默契" develops over time between 2 people. When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build attachment. As relationships move into this phase they are characterized by more comfort, commitment and friendship.

Dano: Oh, so that’s why when people start liking someone, they will do all sorts of silly things and won’t feel that it is silly. It’s only after a certain period that when they reflect on their actions, they will go… WAH KAO! WHY DID I DO THAT?

Generally speaking, all "soul mate relationships" require at least some measure of each of these. The important thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a shared life. However, in healthy relationships those moments of intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent times.

Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from.

In de follow-up to my first post on platonic friendship, here is a list of what-to -do and what-not-to-do in a platonic friendship. All pun intended. But if you do exhibit all of the traits below.. all I can say is.. femme fatale~

DO play and replay scenarios in your mind where
you come out and declare your true feelings to her, whereupon you
proceed directly to frenzied yet sensitive, passionate, and completely
fulfilling love-making.

DO NOT actually attempt the above in real life.

DO rehearse elaborate, passionner declarations of your love for her.

DO NOT ever let anyone hear you doing this.
DO NOT ever actually give her the speech.
(Instead, drop little, enigmatic, self-deprecating hints to her, and
then have insomnia over why she does not pick up on them)

DO keep a photo of her secretly so as to minimize and curb that ever-increasing dosage of "always thinking about her" thoughts.
DO photoshop editing of inserting you beside her in the photo cos that will be the nearest you can get to being with her.
DO NOT do any of the above and freak her out. Why go through all that trouble when you could just ask to take a photo with her?

DO accept judgments from her on your behavior.
DO feel happy that she is a little too much concern about your well-being.
DO NOT feel a pang of bitter-sweet sadness when she tells you,"that’s what friends are for!"

DO accept her proposals of setting up blind dates for you.
DO feel agonized that she is trying to get rid of you cause you are too sticky.
DO feel agonized when she brought another guy friend to pair up with her so she can have an excuse to get away and let you two be alone.
DO drown your sorrows in booze after that but…
DO NOT get drunk and confess to the blind date that you actually like her friend.

DO listen to all her problems with men.
DO feel the knife twisting in your heart and your insides tearing
up as you listen to it.
DO develop a "buay-tahan" enviousness that grows into an
insane jealousy.
DO NOT confide in any of your female friends,
because:

1. They won’t understand.
2. They’ve done it themselves. In fact, they enjoy doing it.
3. They’ll think you are talking about them.
4. They are obligated to pass on their knowledge to the secret society of the Sisterhood to Destroy All Men.

DO get drunk and maudlin about her.

DO NOT get drunk and confront her.
If you do reveal your true feelings to her while drunk or in an
otherwise abnormal or altered state of mind….
DO deny and disavow all statements the next day.
DO say how it would be such a big mistake if you
were to get together with her.

DO joke about it afterwards as if it’s no big deal.

DO NOT cry, break down, and admit that you have been
carrying a torch for her for ___ weeks/months/years/decades/centuries.

DO NOT consciously avoid her for the next two weeks
(But she will avoid you purposely).

DO curse yourself for being a miserable, spineless, pathetic 吃情种.
DO promise yourself that you will change, that things will be
different.
DO NOT actually change.

DO agonize about whether to sign letters / emails to her as "love" or "your friend"

DO NOT pretend you are kissing her (psycho) when you lick the
envelope or kissing the monitor when sending out the email.

DO shilly-shally between fearing that she will discover
how you feel about her and hoping that she does.

DO seek out opportunities to hug, air/cheek kiss,
and give/receive back rubs.
DO rejoice and set your heart fluttering when she puts your arm in hers while walking or lay against you on a couch or other things like that.

DO NOT be over-enthusiastic and let things get out of hand though (You know what out of hand means)
– If this should
happen, apologize profusely and disavow everything… mabbe in the police station.

DO become trapped in a shallow, meaningless, lifeless relationship.

DO NOT actually seek out a secure, quality, lasting relationship, as this would interfere with your fantasizing about her.

DO complain bitterly about this gek sim relationship
to all your guy friends.
DO take heart that you are not hopelessly alone as most of your guy friends are either in the same rut as you or experienced it before.
DO NOT complain to them as one of them might like your platonic friend too.

DO write a blog that is vague
enough to be relevant to the masses, yet specific
enough so that the one, special platonic friend you’ve been
carrying a torch for reads
it, comes to her senses, and fulfills all the dreams and fantasizes that you have for her.
DO NOT assume I wrote this blog because of that.

***Thanks to my friends for providing the information above. Your identities will be kept confidential under the brotherhood of miserable platonic friendships.

A lady friend asked me this question,"Dino, does platonic relationships exists?"

To which I replied,"Why not?"

"But the guys I always treated as good friends and buddies always ended up saying they like me!"

Ok guys, rain check.  If you, for somewhat crazy reason decide to be just a platonic friend with a lady, whether she is a new acquaintance, or an old friend who you’ve just
been awakened to, you need to tread carefully on this. First and foremost of all, you must ensure she should cause you to exhibit some of the following
symptoms:

1. hot sweats
2. cold sweats
3. nausea
4. shaking
5. difficulty sleeping
6. unexplained euphoria or depression
7. inability to construct coherent sentences
8. distraction or preoccupation due to constant thinking about her
9. biting of the tongue or lower lip to prevent blurting the words, "I love you!" in casual conversations with her

NOTE: Liquefaction of your internal organs is not necessarily
a symptom of any condition caused by her, and in fact may indicate
infection by the Ebola virus. See your physician if you are uncertain
of your condition.

Ok, cool. So you have exhibits some, if not ALL of the symptoms above. Now, you have to maintain the platonic friendship. It’s not easy as ABC, Giam Cai Cha Loti. Caring for a new
platonic friend requires a lot of time, careful attention, and
perseverance. However, you must resist temptations to devote too much
attention to your platonic friend, as overly large expressions of
affection can ruin a platonic friendship. Therefore, strive to nurse
your platonic friendship as you would care for a good barbecue pit fire as in the following pointers:

"Low heat"
Too much enthusiasm can ruin a good platonic friendship…so keep those fires low! Keep them high and burning, you will become chow-tah.

Example:  don’t feel obligated to follow her wherever she goes.

"Lots of smoke"

You must be prepared to keep your true feelings concealed.
Always be ready to change the subject, and always have a few alibis on
hand.

Example:  she asks, "Have you been following me
around?"

You respond:  "What an odd coincidence.  Speaking of
following, have you been following professional soccer, do you know Davide Beckside going to LA galaxy?"

"A little fire"
Like with any friends, you will have your differences with
your platonic friend. These are to be expected; don’t be
discouraged.

Example:  she says, "I know you’ve been following me and watching my movements.  Stop
it!!!  You’re scaring and freaking me out!!!"

You say, "I’m here if you need me."

"Tangy flavor"
It is important that your platonic friend not take you too seriously.  To
do this, and to prove the strength of your friendship, throw in a few
friendly jibes, especially when you need to remind yourself of the distance
you need to keep.  Point out some of her more obvious character flaws, then
say, "But I love you anyway" or "That’s why I love you."

Example:  She says, "You’ve been stalking me.  I’ve gotten a
restraining order and a gun."

You say:

1. "Oh, right, like I really followed you into the toilet (pervert) and camped outside your flat downstairs all night.  You’ve got a really high opinion of yourself, missy!"
2. Or, "You’re paranoid.  (But that’s why I love you)."
3. Or, "Oh, right, like you’ve really got a gun…aiiiiyyyyeeee!!!  DON’T
   SHOOT!!"

"Extreme Patience"
Not only is this a long-term project, but it also includes the
ability to be on-call 24×7x1×2 (meaning 24 hours x 7 days x 1minute phone response x 1 hour onsite response locally to wherever she is) to respond to the inevitable personal crises.

Example:  She calls you at 1:00 in the morning and says,
"The guy I was seeing just dumped me."

You say, "I’ll be right over with my sleeping bag and 4 days of army rations."

I have friends who told me that they can’t seem to find the One in their life. They search for love armed with a list of qualities desire in a mate/lover, such as honesty, fidelity, loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, warmth, etc. Yet when that person
      appears they say, He/she is a really nice person, but nothing clicked, just no "chemistry." Or that he/she is not the One I am looking for — Too much differences, not like minded, not looking in the same direction as me.

Some of us go to the extreme in
deciding whether someone is right or wrong for us.

Some of us are on a
quest to find that One "perfect" partner, our ultimate lover, our soulmate,
our equal, who shares our every interest and belief.

Sad to say, that is a
completely unrealistic expectation. Someone with this expectation
causes his or her own disappointments.

Why?

This is because we are all individuals, with different opinions, philosophies,
political beliefs, hobbies, musical tastes, and habits - some good and
some bad, depending on one’s point of view. Just like your thumb prints, these things are what make
up who we are as unique individuals. In a relationship, there have to
be some common interests, but you do not have to share every possible
interest and belief. Some of the differences between you and your
potential partner may actually be advantageous to building a stronger,
loving relationship between you. Sometimes you balance one another,
each offering different strengths. For example, if you lack patience,
and your partner is the most patient human being you have ever met,
your partner can help you in situations where you need to exercise more
patience. Perhaps your partner is an avid diver, and you have always
wanted to try diving. Now is your opportunity to try something you have
wanted to do. On the other hand, some differences may cause
difficulties in a relationship. For example, your potential partner may
be a serious cheongster: he goes clubbing every weekend, all year long. If
you are unhappy about being alone for so many weekends because of his nights out — and, on top of it, you don’t like clubbing — his nights out
will probably become a problem. It is all a matter of the degree of
differences that you and your partner have with one another.

We need to look consciously at these differences to decide whether we
are right for one another. Relationships are built not only from love
and sexual attraction. They also are built from compatibility, which
does not necessarily mean sameness. As a couple, some of your
differences may be among your greatest assets towards a successful
relationship. As a couple, you have to share some similar likes and
dislikes, and you have to enjoy doing many things together, but you do
not have to be identical twins. Each of us has to maintain our
individuality. It is what attracted us to each other in the first
place. Our individuality does not mean that we have a completely
separate life away from our partner. When two people have totally
separate, independent lives, there is no relationship there: they are
only roommates. Many people choose this type of lifestyle, but it is
certainly not what a relationship should be. A relationship
is togetherness. You are one with your partner, as a couple that has
chosen to spend their lives united. You travel life’s journey together,
through its peaks and valleys, so that you both might experience the
type of loving, committed relationship that we all seek today.

Instead of seeking the "perfect" partner, you need to seek a partner
who is right for you. Finding the right person for you is only the
beginning of this process. Without putting in the work, even the most
perfectly matched couple’s relationship will eventually fade. Many of
us learn this the hard way, regretting that we did not work harder at
our relationships while we still had the chance. Some of us go from
relationship to relationship, hoping to find "the perfect one," only to
find ourselves, down the road in another relationship, missing an old
partner whom we now recognize, in our heart of hearts, was the right
one for us.

You all have heard of the phrase: 男人不坏,女人不爱. Or a gal friend saying,"nice guys are hard to find.Either they are all taken up or they are gays"

I have encountered ladies friends of mine, who has ended up having affairs with married men, men who cheated on them persistently and yet always giving them a 2nd chance,3rd chance…., or boyfriends who doesn’t give a damn about their well-being..I have seen them having their heart broken, been cheated on, or find themselves giving everything they’ve got inside, to get little or nothing in return.

What is it about bad boys or men that aren’t available but yet is so attractive to women? For some reason, women don’t want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.

***** I found some theories off the internet– usually advanced by nice guys complaining about the "jerks" who get their girls — is that women must simply like to be mistreated. That’s not a very nice thing to say, is it? There’s actually much more to this seemingly paradoxical pull, such as:

That’s some opinions for you to munch on above.

Or let’s assume we have a spectrum like the below.

|"Nice Guy"|——————|Middle Ground|—————————–|"Jerk"|

On the above spectrum, the ends are the extreme. On one end, you have the nice guy. Sweet, charming, lovable…but highly dependent, lacks self-confidence, highly insecure, etc. On the other end, you have the jerk…rude, selfish, outspoken, but also confident, secure, and very independent. It is those last three qualities (confidence, self-security, independence) that women are most attracted to.

It’s interesting to note how women react to the spectrum. Women are emotionally attracted to the nice guys. These are the guys whom they’ll come to for emotional support. They are the ones who ladies will be open and honest with them, and even expose their secrets and what not. But ask them to consider the nice guys to be their boyfriends? It’s a "umm..don’t think so" answer.

Does That Mean "Nice Guys" Are Boring?

Not at all. "Nice isn’t boring, boring is boring". Why, then, do people tend to make the nice=boring equation? Here’s one theory: when "nice" is the only word you can think of to describe someone, they’re boring. Hence the association.

Dano: Hey bro, got ppl say you nice guy leh. That means you are BORING! WAHAHA.

Dino: *sweat* Go fly kite, u eediot.

More specifically, when women say someone’s "nice" — or even "too nice" — they often mean that he’s too nice…to the world. That he has too few opinions, too soft a spine, too little nerve. Women prefer some sass, a bit of backbone, a little harmless mischief.

Thus, women are physically attracted to the other end - the extreme right, the jerk end. It’s not that they like jerks specifically, just the qualities they possess by nature i.e strength, security, independence…

In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren’t able to see it - or see it as something they want.

Why??????

Cos women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.

And women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.

But don’t get me wrong and start behaving like a bad boy to your ladies friends, I don’t mean to say that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.

But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You’ve seen it, like in the Taiwanese drama series, Meteor Garden,

Dano: WTF??? YOU WATCH A SISSY SHOW?? Wah KAOZ! DAMN GAY!

Dino: I happened to watch it when my sister watched it lah.

Dano: Ah.. Mai Gey Siao… It still can’t change the fact that you watched a Gay show. Ok, guys, Hands up on those who has watched that show before..SEE? No ONE!

Dino: -_-"

that Xiao S chooses that Dao Ming Si, the bad boy, over the Guai Zai Zai. As “Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.

So what do women really want?

Going back to the spectrum, ideally, women want a guy who falls in the middle ground - is nice, sweet, caring, but also is confident, independent, etc. When women say "Nice guys are hard to find", they are talking about the middle ground guys. Often at times, if they can’t find that middle ground guy, they’ll work on averages… like getting their physical needs from the extreme right, their emotional from the extreme left, and that will give her a middle ground of sorts. Or, women will start from the extreme right, the jerk end, and then try to bring the guy down to middle ground by "changing" him. They start on that end because that is what is attractive to them.

I have a friend who once asked me, "how do I tell the bad guys from the good guys then?" Well, it is not so obvious in the first glance. A guy may look nice on the outfront but he may be a DUHZ inside. Or he may be rebellious, listening to rock music and having a colorful hokkien vocabulary that will even make flowers wilt but he is nice to you, sends you flowers, brings you to A&E if you are sick, filial to his parents and brings his nephew to watch Harry Potter! So don’t judge a suitor by his personal style, or even his job or interests: Judge him by how he treats you. Not to mention others.

-Dinorazzi

WARNING : PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS WHILE YOU ARE EATING.

The stool moves into the last part of the large intestine, called
the colon or bowel.

As the bowel fills with stool it stretches.  This triggers messages
to the body.  One message starts muscles to move the stool down
through the bowel.  Another message sends a signal to the brain to tell the owner that it is time to head to the nearest bathroom….

The owner feels the spasms of his stomach… rushes off to the toilet and enters the cubicle, as he does a half-Monty, he looks down and ……………………………….

Holy Mother of All Cows! He noticed ……… 2 SHOE PRINTS on the STOOL COVER.

WHAT THE FXXX!!!!!

Immediately, the brain triggers a message to the bowel to stop the defecation process. The owner is not going to let his pristine (_*_) sit on some contaminated stool cover. Obviously, someone squat on the stool cover and 大便. Got to admire that guy, it was a real piece of kung fu, positioning himself on the slippery and delicate stool cover and practising his 大便神功.. Now, something baffled him…. He turned around and looked…

and saw….

*mind blank for 10 seconds* Why the F will someone does a circus act of squatting on a stool cover and SHIT while he could squat down on THAT *points to 2nd pic*) and SHIT without fear of having his foot slipped and be STUCK into the damn toilet bowl and wats more, with feces water! IS that worth the shitty risk??? And furthermore, from the height  of the first toilet bowl and de gravitational pull of the earth, the amount of SPLASH generated by the 大便 will have a higher probability of hitting his leg than the one in the 2nd picture. Don’t believe me? Go and try it….. see which one generates more SPLASH.

However, there is a possibility of not making ANY SPLASH. He will have to squeeze out his brown plasticine slowly in the form of a LONG, LONG plasticine (must be at least 12 inches long) to avoid making any SPLASH that will wet his (_*_) and feet. But 12 inches long leh… unless you didn’t SHIT for 10 days, you won’t be able to squeeze out that length from your (_*_) manz.

My friend has informed me of another possibility.. that is to ply on as many toilet papers as possible to cover the surface of the water in the toilet bowl. This will result in the toilet papers absorbing the fall of the plasticine and will not result in any splash… Now… I know the reason why so many TIO TAK toilet bowls are stuck with toilet papers liao….

Now, I am going to be a CSI and look at the soles of my colleagues… to see who is the un-sub… But before that, my bowel is spasming me again…. got to run to the next nearest toilet…

-Dino

Recently, someone asked me… hey… are you addicted to SALSA? cos I see ya in Union Square on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Fridays and Saturdays! I replied nicely saying, "eh, you also addict leh, since you SAW me on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays…"

Am I addicted to Salsa? Hmm, let me see what symptoms I have…

1) I do know that CBL is not a bad hokkien word that "glorifies" on a certain part of the lady’s human anatomy and hammerlock is not a wrestling move.

2) Salsa websites and salsa forums are all I mostly surf these days.

3) And I make that a priority every morning in the office

4)
You start practising new salsa steps while waiting for the mrt. And
when you are alone in the toilet, you practise your shines and spins
until your colleague happens to come in and you are at a loss for
explaining what in the world you are doing.

Colleague: WHAT THE HELL IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT a DOUBLE SPIN which you JUST DID?

Dino : Umm, eh… no lah, u see wrongly, I umm.. am… *scratch head* drying my clothes…

Colleague: HUH??? *thinking Dino has gone bonkers*

Dino: You see, my clothes got wet, the tap spoilt, water sprayed all over me, so I spin myself to get the water off, like drying machine.. nvm… dry liao.. byeeee *scuttle away*

5) In meetings, I try to appear to be paying attention during meetings but secretly I am dancing in my head, visualising salsa turns patterns in my mind.

6) I get caught watching salsa clips at work

7) Certain nights of the week are off-limits for any events because they are my SALSA NIGHTS, that will be Tuesday, Thursday, Saturdays… at least not 7 days per week. *phew*

I only take toilet breaks during merengue beats

9) I see people at Union - whom I don’t know - more often than I see my friends

10) My most downloaded clips are salsa instructional videos and salsa songs.

11) Union Square’s cover charges, drinks and school fees are a fixed monthly expenditure

12) I count 1 2 3…5 6 7 to songs to see if I can dance salsa to them.

13) I start singing Latin songs though I don’t understand what the hell I am singing about.

That’s all, 13 symptoms… not too much… at least I am not addicted to Salsa after all… Heng…