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Recently, I talked to a REALLY nice gal on what is her criteria for a guy. She says,"communication and chemistry loh."

"Chemistry"

More often than not, I have friends, ladies and guys alike who told me that so and so likes him/her but cannot click leh cos there is no chemistry between us. Damn, what is this chemistry they are talking about? Let’s ask around.

Lady A: Chemistry is having an affinity towards someone, able to communicate with him on the same wavelength.

Lady B: Emotional Connection…

Lady C: Spiritual affinity.

Lady D: Intense feelings, that intoxicating feelings you have for one another.

Lady E :When 2 person looks eye into eye and u feel that u are ‘melting’ away

Lady F: The ability to read each other thoughts without saying anything.

Dano: Woah! read other thoughts? Why not insert an antenna on their heads??

As you see, it is believed by virtually everyone that there must be some form of chemistry (da click) between each other before one can find true love. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship. Those intense feelings are what we known as chemistry.

Right???

Maybe not. For this definition of chemistry is limited to one’s physical attraction to another person. There is another emotional part to it.

In order to know you have the right connection with a potential or existing partner, it’s important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of.

So I did some research on it and found the following:

Chemistry for love is : 2NaCl + 2H₂SO₄ + MnO₂ –> Na₂SO₄ + MnSO₄ + 2H₂O + Cl₂

Dano: *Blink blink*

Dino: Just kidding…

Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins when we get to know someone that we are attracted to. It can DEVELOP into something more over time, yet some magnetic pull is there from the beginning. I have checked and found out that the chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA.

Dano: Now I know why they say PEA brain ppl are normally delirious in love.

PEA is a naturally occurring substance in the brain. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The initial attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.

When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the "wrong" person, it may be because you are high on the physical response to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your head and exercise "good judgment and common sense".

"Affinity" or "默契" develops over time between 2 people. When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build attachment. As relationships move into this phase they are characterized by more comfort, commitment and friendship.

Dano: Oh, so that’s why when people start liking someone, they will do all sorts of silly things and won’t feel that it is silly. It’s only after a certain period that when they reflect on their actions, they will go… WAH KAO! WHY DID I DO THAT?

Generally speaking, all "soul mate relationships" require at least some measure of each of these. The important thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a shared life. However, in healthy relationships those moments of intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent times.

Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from.

In de follow-up to my first post on platonic friendship, here is a list of what-to -do and what-not-to-do in a platonic friendship. All pun intended. But if you do exhibit all of the traits below.. all I can say is.. femme fatale~

DO play and replay scenarios in your mind where
you come out and declare your true feelings to her, whereupon you
proceed directly to frenzied yet sensitive, passionate, and completely
fulfilling love-making.

DO NOT actually attempt the above in real life.

DO rehearse elaborate, passionner declarations of your love for her.

DO NOT ever let anyone hear you doing this.
DO NOT ever actually give her the speech.
(Instead, drop little, enigmatic, self-deprecating hints to her, and
then have insomnia over why she does not pick up on them)

DO keep a photo of her secretly so as to minimize and curb that ever-increasing dosage of "always thinking about her" thoughts.
DO photoshop editing of inserting you beside her in the photo cos that will be the nearest you can get to being with her.
DO NOT do any of the above and freak her out. Why go through all that trouble when you could just ask to take a photo with her?

DO accept judgments from her on your behavior.
DO feel happy that she is a little too much concern about your well-being.
DO NOT feel a pang of bitter-sweet sadness when she tells you,"that’s what friends are for!"

DO accept her proposals of setting up blind dates for you.
DO feel agonized that she is trying to get rid of you cause you are too sticky.
DO feel agonized when she brought another guy friend to pair up with her so she can have an excuse to get away and let you two be alone.
DO drown your sorrows in booze after that but…
DO NOT get drunk and confess to the blind date that you actually like her friend.

DO listen to all her problems with men.
DO feel the knife twisting in your heart and your insides tearing
up as you listen to it.
DO develop a "buay-tahan" enviousness that grows into an
insane jealousy.
DO NOT confide in any of your female friends,
because:

1. They won’t understand.
2. They’ve done it themselves. In fact, they enjoy doing it.
3. They’ll think you are talking about them.
4. They are obligated to pass on their knowledge to the secret society of the Sisterhood to Destroy All Men.

DO get drunk and maudlin about her.

DO NOT get drunk and confront her.
If you do reveal your true feelings to her while drunk or in an
otherwise abnormal or altered state of mind….
DO deny and disavow all statements the next day.
DO say how it would be such a big mistake if you
were to get together with her.

DO joke about it afterwards as if it’s no big deal.

DO NOT cry, break down, and admit that you have been
carrying a torch for her for ___ weeks/months/years/decades/centuries.

DO NOT consciously avoid her for the next two weeks
(But she will avoid you purposely).

DO curse yourself for being a miserable, spineless, pathetic 吃情种.
DO promise yourself that you will change, that things will be
different.
DO NOT actually change.

DO agonize about whether to sign letters / emails to her as "love" or "your friend"

DO NOT pretend you are kissing her (psycho) when you lick the
envelope or kissing the monitor when sending out the email.

DO shilly-shally between fearing that she will discover
how you feel about her and hoping that she does.

DO seek out opportunities to hug, air/cheek kiss,
and give/receive back rubs.
DO rejoice and set your heart fluttering when she puts your arm in hers while walking or lay against you on a couch or other things like that.

DO NOT be over-enthusiastic and let things get out of hand though (You know what out of hand means)
– If this should
happen, apologize profusely and disavow everything… mabbe in the police station.

DO become trapped in a shallow, meaningless, lifeless relationship.

DO NOT actually seek out a secure, quality, lasting relationship, as this would interfere with your fantasizing about her.

DO complain bitterly about this gek sim relationship
to all your guy friends.
DO take heart that you are not hopelessly alone as most of your guy friends are either in the same rut as you or experienced it before.
DO NOT complain to them as one of them might like your platonic friend too.

DO write a blog that is vague
enough to be relevant to the masses, yet specific
enough so that the one, special platonic friend you’ve been
carrying a torch for reads
it, comes to her senses, and fulfills all the dreams and fantasizes that you have for her.
DO NOT assume I wrote this blog because of that.

***Thanks to my friends for providing the information above. Your identities will be kept confidential under the brotherhood of miserable platonic friendships.

A lady friend asked me this question,"Dino, does platonic relationships exists?"

To which I replied,"Why not?"

"But the guys I always treated as good friends and buddies always ended up saying they like me!"

Ok guys, rain check.  If you, for somewhat crazy reason decide to be just a platonic friend with a lady, whether she is a new acquaintance, or an old friend who you’ve just
been awakened to, you need to tread carefully on this. First and foremost of all, you must ensure she should cause you to exhibit some of the following
symptoms:

1. hot sweats
2. cold sweats
3. nausea
4. shaking
5. difficulty sleeping
6. unexplained euphoria or depression
7. inability to construct coherent sentences
8. distraction or preoccupation due to constant thinking about her
9. biting of the tongue or lower lip to prevent blurting the words, "I love you!" in casual conversations with her

NOTE: Liquefaction of your internal organs is not necessarily
a symptom of any condition caused by her, and in fact may indicate
infection by the Ebola virus. See your physician if you are uncertain
of your condition.

Ok, cool. So you have exhibits some, if not ALL of the symptoms above. Now, you have to maintain the platonic friendship. It’s not easy as ABC, Giam Cai Cha Loti. Caring for a new
platonic friend requires a lot of time, careful attention, and
perseverance. However, you must resist temptations to devote too much
attention to your platonic friend, as overly large expressions of
affection can ruin a platonic friendship. Therefore, strive to nurse
your platonic friendship as you would care for a good barbecue pit fire as in the following pointers:

"Low heat"
Too much enthusiasm can ruin a good platonic friendship…so keep those fires low! Keep them high and burning, you will become chow-tah.

Example:  don’t feel obligated to follow her wherever she goes.

"Lots of smoke"

You must be prepared to keep your true feelings concealed.
Always be ready to change the subject, and always have a few alibis on
hand.

Example:  she asks, "Have you been following me
around?"

You respond:  "What an odd coincidence.  Speaking of
following, have you been following professional soccer, do you know Davide Beckside going to LA galaxy?"

"A little fire"
Like with any friends, you will have your differences with
your platonic friend. These are to be expected; don’t be
discouraged.

Example:  she says, "I know you’ve been following me and watching my movements.  Stop
it!!!  You’re scaring and freaking me out!!!"

You say, "I’m here if you need me."

"Tangy flavor"
It is important that your platonic friend not take you too seriously.  To
do this, and to prove the strength of your friendship, throw in a few
friendly jibes, especially when you need to remind yourself of the distance
you need to keep.  Point out some of her more obvious character flaws, then
say, "But I love you anyway" or "That’s why I love you."

Example:  She says, "You’ve been stalking me.  I’ve gotten a
restraining order and a gun."

You say:

1. "Oh, right, like I really followed you into the toilet (pervert) and camped outside your flat downstairs all night.  You’ve got a really high opinion of yourself, missy!"
2. Or, "You’re paranoid.  (But that’s why I love you)."
3. Or, "Oh, right, like you’ve really got a gun…aiiiiyyyyeeee!!!  DON’T
   SHOOT!!"

"Extreme Patience"
Not only is this a long-term project, but it also includes the
ability to be on-call 24×7x1×2 (meaning 24 hours x 7 days x 1minute phone response x 1 hour onsite response locally to wherever she is) to respond to the inevitable personal crises.

Example:  She calls you at 1:00 in the morning and says,
"The guy I was seeing just dumped me."

You say, "I’ll be right over with my sleeping bag and 4 days of army rations."

I have friends who told me that they can’t seem to find the One in their life. They search for love armed with a list of qualities desire in a mate/lover, such as honesty, fidelity, loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, warmth, etc. Yet when that person
      appears they say, He/she is a really nice person, but nothing clicked, just no "chemistry." Or that he/she is not the One I am looking for — Too much differences, not like minded, not looking in the same direction as me.

Some of us go to the extreme in
deciding whether someone is right or wrong for us.

Some of us are on a
quest to find that One "perfect" partner, our ultimate lover, our soulmate,
our equal, who shares our every interest and belief.

Sad to say, that is a
completely unrealistic expectation. Someone with this expectation
causes his or her own disappointments.

Why?

This is because we are all individuals, with different opinions, philosophies,
political beliefs, hobbies, musical tastes, and habits - some good and
some bad, depending on one’s point of view. Just like your thumb prints, these things are what make
up who we are as unique individuals. In a relationship, there have to
be some common interests, but you do not have to share every possible
interest and belief. Some of the differences between you and your
potential partner may actually be advantageous to building a stronger,
loving relationship between you. Sometimes you balance one another,
each offering different strengths. For example, if you lack patience,
and your partner is the most patient human being you have ever met,
your partner can help you in situations where you need to exercise more
patience. Perhaps your partner is an avid diver, and you have always
wanted to try diving. Now is your opportunity to try something you have
wanted to do. On the other hand, some differences may cause
difficulties in a relationship. For example, your potential partner may
be a serious cheongster: he goes clubbing every weekend, all year long. If
you are unhappy about being alone for so many weekends because of his nights out — and, on top of it, you don’t like clubbing — his nights out
will probably become a problem. It is all a matter of the degree of
differences that you and your partner have with one another.

We need to look consciously at these differences to decide whether we
are right for one another. Relationships are built not only from love
and sexual attraction. They also are built from compatibility, which
does not necessarily mean sameness. As a couple, some of your
differences may be among your greatest assets towards a successful
relationship. As a couple, you have to share some similar likes and
dislikes, and you have to enjoy doing many things together, but you do
not have to be identical twins. Each of us has to maintain our
individuality. It is what attracted us to each other in the first
place. Our individuality does not mean that we have a completely
separate life away from our partner. When two people have totally
separate, independent lives, there is no relationship there: they are
only roommates. Many people choose this type of lifestyle, but it is
certainly not what a relationship should be. A relationship
is togetherness. You are one with your partner, as a couple that has
chosen to spend their lives united. You travel life’s journey together,
through its peaks and valleys, so that you both might experience the
type of loving, committed relationship that we all seek today.

Instead of seeking the "perfect" partner, you need to seek a partner
who is right for you. Finding the right person for you is only the
beginning of this process. Without putting in the work, even the most
perfectly matched couple’s relationship will eventually fade. Many of
us learn this the hard way, regretting that we did not work harder at
our relationships while we still had the chance. Some of us go from
relationship to relationship, hoping to find "the perfect one," only to
find ourselves, down the road in another relationship, missing an old
partner whom we now recognize, in our heart of hearts, was the right
one for us.