Razzi News

I have a new colleague in today… finally, someone who could share my
burden at work… so happily, I engaged in a conversation with him…
(let’s call him razz)

Dino: Hi, I am dino…

Razz: Hi I am Razz.

Dino: Nice to meet ya…

Razz: Same here… So are you filipino?

Dino: *furrows eyebrows and look at him* no, I am not…Why do you ask?

Razz: Oh, cause your name sounds like a Filipino. Dino Filipino. *guffaws*

Dino: *eyes narrowed*  -_-" (Funny meh???) Oh no, I am not.. *fake smile and turn back to do my work*

Razz: So, your parents Filipino?

Dino: *pauses* *turns back slowly to face him* No, they ain’t. They are
Chinese.. So a Chinese and a Chinese will give birth to a Chinese which
I am. A Chinese.

Razz: Oh, ic. *guffaws* So you are chinese? If you are not filipino, then you are Indonesian Chinese!

Dino: **sharpens knife* and repeats very slowly* I…. am…. a…. Chinese, I repeat.. My Mum is a Chinese, My
Father is a Chinese. Singaporean Chinese, Hokkien Chinese, Teo Chew Chinese… Not indonesian chinese. A chinese + a
chinese = a chinese. 龙的传人.

Razz: Oh…icic.. hahaha

Dino: *sweat and went back to work, thinking its end of conversation*

Razz: But you sound like a Malay.. your parents Malay or you baba?

Dino: *10 seconds pause* *takes a deep breath and exhaleee* I may have grown up with Malays…. but
that doesn’t make me a Malay and for the last time…. my parents are
100% chinese…. no baba, no malay, no indian, no filipino, no
babuseng… ok? And just because I am dark, that doesn’t mean I am a Malay. I am dark because my mom drank too much coke while she is having me, thus the artificial coloring seeped into my genes and determine my skin color.

Razz: oh ok ok …*sensing my irritation, he changes topic* Do you have a car?

Dino: No..

Razz: Do you drive?

Dino: No… *pauses* *thinks: I don’t have a car, how to drive????*

The sound of my alarm clock pierced through the air like a siren. I woke up groggily… still exhausted from my battle with a vermin hours earlier. I sat on my bed, with eyes closed, re-aligning my senses… it was then I discovered I have an ulcer in my mouth.. I groped for the ulcer gel on my table, squeezed out a bit on my index finger and rubbed it inside my mouth… then I realised it tastes funny… I opened my eyes wider and look at the tube on the table…. What I saw was….

"SELLEYS KWIK GRIP CONTACT ADHESIVE"

Finger in my mouth still… *5 seconds pause*

5
4
3
2
1

SUPERGLUE!!!!!

I rushed to the bathroom and flushed my mouth with gallons of water. PUIZ PUIZ PUIZ PUIZ. Wah lau… what a way to start my day manz… morale of the story…

Look before you apply.

You might ask, why didn’t I smell it before I apply? Cos I got sinus block in the morning… can’t smell anything…

Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse -
women’s voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other
men’s, a report said.

The Daily Mail, quoting findings published in the specialist magazine.

NeuroImage, said researchers at Sheffield University in northern
England discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds
to male and female sounds.

Men deciphered female voices using the auditory part of the
brain that processes music, while male voices engaged a simpler
mechanism, it said.

The Mail quoted researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "The
female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to
differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between
men and women, and also due to women having greater natural ‘melody’ in
their voices."

"This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice."

The findings may help explain why people suffering
hallucinations usually hear male voices, the report added, as the brain
may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately
than a false male voice.

What is a relationship?

Meaning: [noun] a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection);

Let’s break up the word. We will have relation + ship. In an analogy, a relation is just like getting aboard a ship. You get on board this ship with a desired partner whom you think has the qualities to sail this journey of love with you. Of course, it will not be plain sailing. Along the trip, you will encounter issues like storms, squabbles, fights. It very much depends on how you two handle the issues, on how you ride out the storms.

If you two very much survive the arduous journey and reach the final destination,  my heartiest congratulations. For you have most probably found a partner whom you can depend and count on in your life.

But if things doesn’t work out, most likely, the ship will veer off course and either it will be shipwrecked or sinks. What should you do? Jump ship and swim back to shore (recovering) and look for another ship to board.

Essentially, relationships can be a test to see how good or bad we can be as human beings. And ending a failed relationship is the ultimate test of our character. It is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to either hit a home run or to lose it. But you have to learn a positive lesson from the negative failure to sail home the next time… hopefully.

The deepest relationship that I have ever been involved in has taught me life’s single most important lesson - that we are all capable of being our worst self and behaving in totally shameful and disgusting ways when things does not work out. I have experienced it myself and seen it happening to my friends, on how we showcase our dark side when things doesn’t work out in the relationship. Maybe we each have to experience a certain amount of our own dark shadow and feel the wake of the deadly destruction that we, ourselves create, to be able to decide it is much better to let go and to grow into our best selves.

Some of us waits for the perfect partner with the qualities that we envisioned to arrive before we dares to embark on a relationship. But remember,

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning how to accept an imperfect person perfectly.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I say,"Others do unto you as they expect or want you to do unto them."

One of my friends said to me,"Do you notice, people want to see themselves reflected, and therefore validated, in those around them."

I think about it and yeah, it is true. We all want to have a good image of ourselves. As a result, we tend to assign or display the most importance to whatever strengths we have and to devalue/hide our weaknesses. Take for instance,

Highly intelligent people but less attractive people will generally value intelligence over looks.

Artists will value taste.

Those who pride themselves on being prompt will value punctuality in others.

In the workplace, the ones who works the hardest will value effort over results, while those who are able to achieve their goals without much effort will place more importance in the end results than the process.

If your boss is a hard worker, I am sure she/he would like to see that working attitude in you too.

The saying does applies in every aspect of life too. If you know someone who loves to gives little gifts to friends, she/he would also loves to receive gifts too. If you know someone who likes to compliment others, more or less she/he would love to receive compliments. By being aware of this, it’s easier to understand what others want and expect from you.

Yes, love is blissful and joyful..

But it can be awfully painful too;

Because it forces us to grow

Past our frail human flaws

Trying feverishly to control it,

Wanting desperately to possess it,

And wanting what we want from it.

But in the end all we can really do,

Is to let go and experience love as it is

And accept where it can take us,

Without our private expectations

Or our personal and selfish desires.

Of course doing this is impossible,

Being we are human, weak and all.

There is but one real consolation—

No matter what the pain,

There will always be gain;

And all we can do is learn

What we still need to earn

-Dedicated to you-know-who. We can always be here for you but the decision to move on can only be made by you and no one else.

No, it’s not the question, Dino, are you gay?

And it’s no thanks
to my gay partners, Jeremy Prissybot and Johnny Virginwalker for helping
me to 宣传. Thanks, bralala(s). I promise I will tickle your chin and
pinch your butt more.

Anyway, I have posted a number of articles
that is on the topic of BGR. Firstly, I posted scandals in US but I
realised that has a lifespan-shortening effect and a reverse effect as
my friends whom I parparazzied on are keeping a parparazzi watch on me
instead.

At any one time they see me with a lady, they will whip out their camera phones and proceed to capture the "kodak moment".

This
is a role reversal of the hunter being the hunted… Bad news for me…
Then I decided to change tack to posting BGR articles from finding the
ONE to Why Ladies Likes Bad Guys. That has a more subtle effect. But
another issue inevitably creeps up, people will start asking,"Hey dino, so you have written so much stuff on BGR, I guess you are an old hand at the game of love."

*looking at my hand* hmm doesn’t look so old to me wor…

One friend told me this today,"Dino…. you are being too "auntie" liao!"
Meaning: She is telling me not to write too much stuff on L.O.V.E and in danger of becoming Auntie Agony.

Or some may ask,"Woah, dino, you are writing so much shit on BGR, is that a sign that you are ready for love or that there is THE ONE out there?"

I replied,"huh? write articles on bgr means I am ready for love? No leh, for your information, the articles ain’t about my experiences…"

"Then? Your Grandmother experiences???"

I am a paparazzi. The
articles I posted are drawn from the experiences of my friends around
me. Interestingly enough, there are a lot of "scandals" in US that
keeps me entertained and being intrigued on WHY and on HOW people behave in r/s or when they are chasing a gal.

Dano: Crap lah, that’s excuses! You just want to …. *gags Dano*

Thus
I seek the answers, posting them on my blog when I have them, (although at times, I don’t understand what the hell I am posting) in the
hope my friends around me at least have some ideas on what is going on,
either when they are seeking their mysterious ONES or having some
baffling mind boggling issues about their r/s.

That’s about it… create more scandals!

The bladder fills…  A signal is sent to the brain, "Hey mate, its
pee-pee time!" I got up from walked over to gents. I have the luxury of
choosing which 马桶 to pee-pee in. Based on the toilet ethics, I chose
the furthest one inside… I shuffled my feet over…. stands in front
of it… bzzzzzzzzzz, (sound of zip being pulled down), and was about
to lower the dam walls when I noticed it.

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL COWS!

I jumped back instinctively, hit my head on the wall.

*OUCH*

with a concussion and seeing stars and birdies flying around my head,

I take a look closer…. and saw….

WTF is that?!

Just imagine, if I pee-pee on that whatever SHIT is that and

IT ACTIVATE ITS PREDATORY SENSES and ATTACK THE SOURCE OF ATTACK HEAD ON???

OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!

Without another thought and fearing for my life and little Dano, I backed off slowly, taking caution not to alert the whatever-shit-that-is. Eventually, I reached the sanctuary of my office. AH…. safe at last in the comfort of my cubicle…..

It was then I experienced a cold draft coming from below….

Shit… I forgot to zip….

Trademarks… is a virtue that I
found in many of my friends.. I define trademarks as the most common
used expression by a person whenever he/she is faced in a
helpless/potentially teasing situation.

Without further ado, I pay tribute to some of the more obvious virtues found in moi friends for their special characteristics has made them unique.

Salsa Bunny: Whenever she is agitated, her eyes will narrow and she will utter the words,"杀了你!杀了你!"

Parade commander: Whenever you forced him into a helpless situation, he will utter the words,"卡哪塞,这样都可以!" or "OH SHIT" very loudly. Incidentally, he has the loudest voice among us. So you can imagine…how loud shit is.

Lor-neng : His favorite phrase is , "ok lor"… whenever he has no objections to anything.

Miss E: Whenever you teases her, she will go,"Wey!Rubbish lor u ."

Miss Lamp: Whenever you teases her, she will laff out loud and says,"Shit you!" AND slaps you on your shoulder. *ouch*

Miss S: Whenever you tells her something interesting or gossips, she will say,"真的吗??" with her eyes, "blink blink".

Brutus: He will always exclaimed,"HOLY SHIT!" whenever he is amazed or…FXXX you when you teased him. One sure-proof way of getting his attention : Tickle his lower chin and utter the words,"ang-gu, ang-gu"

Mr Thai: He will always say the words,"mai kao chai" whenever he is baffled about something.

Miss Tomtom: Whenever you teased her, she will put her arms on her waist, glares at you and then perform her 无影掌. Or she will PIAK you with her 天魔掌.

Mr Dilbert: Whenever he saw something scandalous, he will say this to you,"来来, 看眼神,看眼神." Or whenever he got a problem with you, he will say,"You got problem with that?"

Mr
La Una: Whenever the word rueda is exclaimed, he will involuntarily do
his sha-shaying move, arms at belly level and moving in a "ponle sabor"
movement and exclaiming:"跳舞leh,跳舞leh" or "rueda leh rueda leh"

Miss Impish: Being a lady with a lot of body language expressions, one of her favorite expressions is using her delicate little hand and forming the "wah lau eh" action.

Miss L: Do not offend her, cos she will utter the words,"YOU BABI" and turns you into a piggy.

When you go Macdonald to makan french fries,
you would normally just order, one packet of small/medium/large french
fries with drinks to go along. I was having dinner yesterday with 2
ladies friends of mine. Well, we decided to go to Mac for some french
fries munching.

Then one of the ladies, Miss Lamp said,"Dino, I want french fries without salt."

D: "Ok.. without salt… without oil also?"

Miss Lamp: "Without oil how to eat???? eat raw??"

D:"Oh yah hor"

Miss S: "I want coke with salt!"

*sweats*

D: "Ok, one french fries without salt and one coke with salt"

S: "How about your order?"

D: "oh yah hor, I think about it"

I proceeded to order, while keeping my fingers crossed, that the mac guy won’t look at me with the "老兄,你是不是来kiam pa" look.

I proceeded to order…

"Hi, this may sound weird, but trust me, it won’t once you understand it."

*blank look by the waiter* *he must be thinking,"gong simi jiao wuey?? wanan order quickly order"*

"I would like to have a big french fries, but WAIT *holds up my hand* no salt."

"EH?"

*See ? I told you it is weird, he EH ME!*

"F r e n c h f r i e s withhhhouttttt saltttttttt"

*3-seconds pause*

*walked off and
take the shovel (i dono what that is, but it looks like a shovel to
me), and proceeded to the basin and wash the shovel.*

For a moment, I was wondering what is he
doing… but then I realised he is fulfilling my order! I said no salt,
and the shovel has salt on it and he went to wash the shovel so that it
won’t have any salt! Bravo!

He then used the salt-free shovel and scooped up a new batch of french fries without salt. Impressive.

Then, when he came back with the french fries…

I said,"ok, thanks, can I have a green tea without ice and 1 coke, oh, another 1 more coke with SALT."

*He looks at me this time with the *chow turtle..你是不是活得不耐烦* look*

He then proceeded to take 2 cokes, 1 green tea
and hands me a packet of salt. I paid him and went off with the order,
a satisfied customer. But I could feel the daggers throwing at me by
the waiter behind.

Next time, I will try to order french fries without salt and oil….will they give me raw french fries instead? hehe